Thursday, November 19, 2009

Bonus Penis, Pax In Domus

We are at it again, trying to ascertain whether a generously sized and good looking penis makes the difference in bed. It’s the question that nearly all men would answer with a yes and most women would answer with some sort of evasive answer such as “it depends on the man attached to it” and so forth.

The fact that the approach to sex is a different thing for men and women is no secret, with the obvious due exceptions. However, in my experience of a man gifted with a fairly good specimen, I think that all other parameters being equal, a good juicy cock makes the difference and catches the attention of the interested observer. Shape, girth, circumcision, smoothness, veins, haircut, and other details, can influence the feeling and arousal of a woman. Depending on what she finds in the pants, the sexual experience may turn in various ways.

Size, whatever people say, does matter. Although it is arguable whether it makes a difference at physical level, it definitely has a visual and psychological impact. Being a rather pragmatic individual I tend not to trust the comments of some explicit lovers, they give me the impression of a fake. Let’s not forget that many women are convinced that making some positive comments about a man’s penis is a way of pleasing him. I tend to pay more attention to the discrete individuals, their expression says more than a thousand words when they have the first look. Some react the way a child would react when he is offered his favourite cake, others react with a veil of concern as they probably have never experienced such a generous size.

I will come back to this topic at some stage, but will conclude for now that in the very same way that a man may or may not like a pair of boobs or enjoy a vagina, a woman may or may not be attracted by a penis.

Any comments will be more than welcome.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Save The Speeches For Malcolm X, I Just Want To Get Laid

Now that I’m single, I have a strong desire to get a little wild, to make a few more notches on my bedpost, to sow my wild oats. My ‘number’ is pitifully low, because since I was eighteen, I’ve been a serial monogamist. Now my twenties are almost over and I’m single for the first time in a decade and I find myself thinking, fuck, I don’t want to fall in love, I don’t want another long-term relationship, I just want to slut it up a little bit.

Of course, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks over night. I’m still cautious and shy and you know what, I’ll probably never be the kind of girl who goes to a bar solo and picks a guy up. So I’ve turned to the internets (specifically to internet dating – I haven’t been cruising online communities and picking up local guild members from WoW). During the semester I was too busy to really put much energy into the whole enterprise (although there was one entertainingly gin-soaked and embarrassing encounter that is a post for another time), but now the semester is over, the sun is out, and I want to have some fun.

I have a few ground rules. I only plan to sleep with people I’m physically or intellectually attracted to (because, given the elements of sexual rejection involved in the breakup, it would be quite easy to fall into viewing being desired as a band aid for my wounded self-esteem and thus to sleep with guys I’m really not into, and I don’t think that would be good). Before the deed occurs I’m going to be upfront about my current lack of interest in monogamy (because clearly, some men on these sites are really looking for happily ever after, but I  don’t kid myself and think that lack of exclusivity would be a dealbreaker for most guys). And of course, I’ll keep in mind the advice that Condoman dispensed in these PSA-type cartoons from my youth:

Already, I’ve realized that internet dating sites are weird. If I was too fussy I’d get nowhere. Some of my early criteria (that I’d only communicate with men who could generally spell, who shared at least some of my taste in books/movies/music/tv, or who weren’t creepy and sleazy in their profile) have gone out the window because goddamn, that would make the whole enterprise just about moot. Because I’m a bottle blond, still in my twenties, and have a nice smile, well all kinds of men (many more than old enough to be my father) have ‘winked’ at and ‘kissed’ me (ugh, these sites are so twee in the way they structure encounters), despite the fact that early forties is my absolute max. Plus, when it comes to constructing my profile, I’m not going to ‘dumb down’ the fact that I can think, write, and reason, and I find myself constitutionally unable to talk about ‘Mr Right’ or  cuddling (ok, that could be because I’m a robotic monster sent back in time from the future). However, I’m trying to remain open minded about the whole thing, and to remind myself that I’m not looking for a companion so much as ‘company.’ For my purposes, maybe it doesn’t matter so much if I don’t have that much in common with a guy, and up until now, I’ve always had a pretty clear type (skinny, tall, brainy, funny guys), so perhaps I should broaden my horizons.

I think this summer will be an interesting experiment, where I think about sex and men in new ways. *fingers crossed* Being in a strange new city has its advantages, because I can’t make the obvious mistakes (like sleeping with friends) and because my dalliances will be mine to divulge or keep to myself.

And the title. Well, in “Heathers,” one of my all-time favourite movies, Veronica, a junior in highschool,  is at a college party having been set up with a guy called Brad. After an evening of awkward conversation, he crassly propositions her for sex. She  declares, “You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I’d like to give him. Gee, blank, I had a really nice…” and Brad, who is sprawled on a sofa, drums his hands on his chest and interupts with the titular line. It has always cracked me up (even when I was an ignorant ten year old who didn’t know who Malcom X was), and now it makes me laugh for a slightly different reason – I want to claim a little Brad for myself and tell some hapless guy to put out or get out.

Ryu Murakami- Albastru nemarginit, aproape transparent II

Ma tot intrebam ce fac eu aici. Mancam din strugurii imprastiati pe masa. Le curatam pielita cu limba si scuipam samburii in farfurie, cand mana mi s-a atins de o vulva. M-am uitat si am vazut-o pe Kei ranjind, cu picioarele desfacute. Jackson s-a ridicat absent si a inceput sa isi dea jos uniforma. Si-a stins tigara mentolata, subtire, si s-a indreptat catre Moko, care se freca de Oscar. I-a turnat pe fund un parfum cu miros greu dintr-o sticluta maronie si mi-a zis, Ba, Ryu, da-mi tubu’ ala alb din camasa! Tinuta de maini de Oskar, data cu crema, Moko a tipat, E reece! Jackson a apucat-o de fund si i l-a ridicat, apoi si-a acoperit cu crema varful penisului si a patruns-o. Moko si-a incovoiat spinarea si a tipat, iar Kei, care privea, s-a apropiat, spunand, Ce marfa e! Moko, cu fundul ridicat, plangea. Kei a apucat-o de par, i-a intors capul catre ea si i-a spus, Las’ ca iti dau cu niste mentol dup-aia, s-a sarutat cu Oscar si a izbucnit in ras. I-am fotografiat fata schimonosita a lui Moko cu un aparat de buzunar. Nasul i se misca precum unui alergator de cursa lunga in timpul sprintului final. Reiko si-a ridicat in cele din urma privirile. Si-a dat seama ca e lipicioasa pe trup si s-a indreptat catre baie. Cu gura deschisa si privirea in gol, picioarele i s-au impleticit de nu stiu cate ori si s-a rostogolit.  I-am pus mana pe umar, sa o ajut sa se ridice. Ryu, ajuta-ma, si-a apropiat ea chipul. Trupul ii mirosea ciudat si m-am repezit la baie sa vomit. Asezata pe pardoseala, Reiko facea dus, cu ochii rosii atintiti in gol.

Proasto, o sa te ineci si o sa mori! Kei a oprit dusul, si-a bagat mana intre picioarele lui Reiko si a chicotit vazand-o cum tresare speriata. A, tu esti, Kei, a imbratisat-o si a sarutat-o pe gura. Eu stateam pe wc. Kei mi-a facut semn. Ryu,e rece si misto. Aveam impresia ca pe masura ce ma racoream pe dinafara, interiorul meu devenea din ce in ce mai fierbinte. Ce draguta e a ta! A zis Kei si mi-a luat penisul in gura, iar Reiko m-a tras de parul ud si, cautandu-mi limba precum un copil care cauta sanul, mi-a supt-o cu putere. Kei s-a sprijinit cu mainile de perete si, cu fundul impins in spate m-a primit in gaura uscata si curatata de mucus. Bob a intrat in baie, cu sudoarea siroindu-i pe palme. Nu ne-ajung femeile, Ryu, bulangiule, si tu iei doua de unul singur.

M-a lovit usor peste obraz si ne-a impins,uzi, inapoi in camera, pravalindu-ne pe podea. Cu penisul bagat strans in corpul lui Kei, am gemut cand am cazut. Pe Reiko au aruncat-o in pat, ca intr-o pasa de rugby, iar Bob a sarit pe ea. Reiko protesta, ingaimand cuvinte neintelese, dar Saburo a prins-o de maini si de picioare, cineva i-a bagat pe gat o bucata de placinta si s-a inecat. Acum cantau Osibisa. Moko si-a sters fundul, cu o grimasa pe fata. Pe hartie au ramas urme de sange, pe care i le-a aratat lui Jackson si s-a plans, Groaznic! Ia zi, Reiko, nu-i misto placinta? a intrebat Kei, intinsa pe burta pe masa. Stii, parca-ti explodeaza ceva in stomac, parc-ai i nghiti un peste viu,a zis Reiko. M-am urcat pe pat ca sa o fotografiez pe Reiko, dar Bob m-a imbrancit, cu un ranjet. Rostogolindu-ma pe pidea, m-am lovit de Moko. E groaznic tipu’ asta, m-am saturat. E popo, nu? Moko era pe Oskar, care o legana in timp ce rodea o bucata de pui. Moko a inceput din nou sa planga.

Moko, esti ok? Te doare ceva? Nici nu mai stiu, Ryu, nici nu mai stiu.

O legana pe Moko in ritmul muzicii. Kei statea pe genunchii lui Jackson si bea vin. Vorbeau ceva. Jackson o freca cu o bucata de sunca si presara esenta de vanilie pe ea. O voce ragusita a strigat, Oh, baby! Pe covorul rosu cazusera felurite lucruri. Chiloti si scrum de tigara, resturi de paine, de salata si de rosii, fire de par de diferite culori, hartie patata de sange, pahare si sticle, pielite de struguri, chibrituri, cirese rostogolite prin praf. Moko s-a ridicat clatinandu-se. Tinandu-se cu mainile de fund, a zis, Ma ce foame mi s-a facut! si s-a indreptat spre masa. Jackson s-a aplecat, i-a lipit un plasture si a sarutat-o.

Cu fata aproape lipita de masa, a inceput sa roada un crab, ca un copil in pragul inanitiei. Cu respiratia taiata, i-a crapat carapacea. Nu mai stiu cine si-a pus penisul negru in fata ei, iar Moko l-a bagat si pe acesta in gura. Mangaindu-l cu limba, l-a impins afara si s-a intors din nou catre crab. A spart cu zgomot carapacea rosie si a scos cu mana carnea alba dinauntru. A inmuiat-o in maioneza roz, uscata pe farfurie si, murdarindu-se pe piept, a pus-o pe limba. Mirosul de crab a umplut incaperea. Reiko suspina din nou. Durham a luat-o pe Moko pe la spate. Moko s-a strambat, cu fundul inaltat si cu crabul inca in mana, a incercat sa bea niste vin, dar din cauza zgaltaielii i-a intrat in nas, s-a innecat si i-au dat lacrimile. Vazand ce s-a intamplat, Kei a izbucnit in ras. A inceput sa cante James Brown. Reiko s-a tarat pana la masa, a baut un pahar de vin cu menta dintr0o inghititura si a zis cu voce tare, Mama ce bun e!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Antivirus paling baru 2009

antivirus paling Update 2009

  1. kaspersky anti-virus November 2009
  2. norton antivirus 2009 (download)
  3. AVG anti-virus definition download november 2009
  4. ansav 2.0.50 oktober 2009 (download)
  5. avast anti-virus 2009

itu beberapa antivirus yang update pada taun 2009 khusunya bulan oktober..next update??tunggu aja..

smoga manfaat y! chaoo

Ladies: Ways to Maintain Our Sanity (Or to Convince Ourselves That We Still Have It)

Installment 1: Indulge.

Part of what drives us crazy is the fact that we don’t treat ourselves enough. We try to wait and save that which we desire for that “special occasion” that we don’t even know will come.  So ladies, treat yourselves, because in the end, it’s just you that determines your happiness.  What’d Katt Williams say? “It’s ESTEEM of yo’ mf’n SELF!” ha.

1.  Take that extra 30 mins to an hour (or 2) in the bubble bath.  Cut the lights off, maybe light the candles that look “too pretty to burn” and enjoy time with yourself.  Got a boo?  Invite him too.

2.  When you get out, admire yourself in the mirror.  Get to know what others see, and what they don’t see.  Make funny faces (I do this religiously for about 20 minutes lol); practice that look or that smile that drives people crazy.

3.  Those shoes?  Yeah, those… Buy ‘em.  Then come home, take a bath, and walk around in just those.

4.  Metabolism varies from person to person.  But whether you’re the type to eat a cracker and gain a pound, or eat a buffet and end up losing weight (however that happens.. but it does.. trust lol), EAT THAT EXTRA PIECE OF CHOCOLATE CAKE.  Plus, it tastes so much better when it’s forbidden.

5.  At the nail shop, when the Asian lady asks, “You wan’ deeluh (deluxe) pedicure?”  Say yes.  OR.  Skip the nail shop, go straight to the spa.  Pamper yourself.  Request a male masseuse and take a trip to heaven.  Got a boo?  Get a Brazilian Wax… he’ll love you forever.  If not, get the wax anyway.  It’s a party in your pants.

6.  It’s Saturday night and your friends are trying to drag you out to the club, but you really don’t want to go.  Respectfully decline.  Throw your robe in the dryer for about 20 minutes, wear just that, and watch the Oxygen Channel for their ‘Big Night In’ movie – which is usually a cute chick flick that will make you laugh and enjoy being a chick.

7.  On the flip side, if you really feel like going out, and your friends are being homebodies, get casket-sharp (like my ma says lol).  Those shoes that you paid wayyyy too much for, put ‘em on.  Wear the dress that hugs your curves just right, and step out of your house walking looking smelling and feeling like a billion bucks.  And flirt.  We, as women, created and mastered the art of flirting.  Do it and do it well.

8.  That cute guy you see every morning when you go get your coffee?  You know the one you barely speak to, but he gives you that look, and you give him that look back?  Get his number.

9.  Take some time off, and take that trip.  To islands in the Pacific, to Europe, to South America.  Wherever it is, just GO.  One thing EVERYONE needs to do in their life is experience another culture.  Plus, the cocktails on the beach at sunset aren’t bad either.  Got a boo?  Add sex to that.  If not, the drinks are fine.  I wouldn’t suggest sleeping with any of the “island men,” because I wrote a paper on AIDS and Sex Tourism in the Caribbean, and made a resolution never to do that.  But hey, if that’s what you want to do… go for it.

10.  The project that you always wanted to start, but just “didn’t have the time.”  Make the time.  Write, draw, paint, design, build, read — whatever.  Go for it.

11.  What have you always wanted to do, but too chicken shit to face what others may say?  Get a piercing?  Dye your hair?  Get a tattoo?  Do it.

Storytime:  Last winter, I was having THE worst week in the history of Worst Weeks Ever.  But, one day, I got a whole buncha “Fuck It” in my system and just indulged.  I bought about 6 pairs of shoes that day, got a chocolate cake, ate half of it, went to a middle school pageant (my little sister won Miss 7th Grade; yea it runs in the family *wink*), went to a basketball game, and got 2 tattoos.  That day obliterated my frustration that had built up that entire week.

Moral of the story:  Indulge.  Not too much, because the satisfaction from your indulgences becomes null and void, then you become gluttonous.  Treat yourself.  You’ll thank yourself when you’re 80.

P.S.  I wanted to stop at 10, and if you know me, then, yes, having 11 is messing with my OCD.  lol Leave me alone.  If you have any that you’d like to add, then just comment & let me know.

- Dougie

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ekstraservicen tas til nye høyder

Her er et innlegg jeg begynte på i natt og som gjøres ferdig nå i morgentmene, etter et noe merkelig siste døgn. Jeg dro dere inn i det, så her kommer fortsettelsen:

Jeg sitter med en litt sånn merkelig følelse.
Jeg sitter alene, men jeg har hatt selskap tidligere i kveld. Jeg får også selskap senere i natt.
Jeg skulle egentlig ut med Mr_Nova i kveld, men før jeg kom så langt tikket det inn en melding som gjorde at planene brått ble forandret.

Etter den ytterst gode servicen fra en viss håndtverker tidlig i dag, bestemte jeg meg for å skryte av han til firmaet han jobber for. For man skal skryte av folk også, ikke bare klage når man er misfornøyd, sier mamma´n min. Så da gjorde jeg nettopp det, og dro den faktisk så langt at jeg sa han hadde gjort dagen min bra med sin utrolige serviceinnstilling og gode humør.
I kveld tikket det altså inn en sms. Fra håndtverkeren, som sa at jeg hadde gjort dagen hans bedre også. Han fortalte at han skulle ha en rolig kveld p.g.a. bakvakt, og lurte på hva jeg skulle gjøre. Fordi Mr_Nova var her akkurat da, og kunne fortelle meg at han praktisk talt ropte “SKAL VI FINNE PÅ NOE SAMMEN”, sa jeg at jeg ikke hadde planer, og at vi kanskje kunne ta det rolig sammen. Det kunne vi.
Takk og lov for at Mr_Nova var innom sier jeg bare. Takk og lov for at Venninnen rev seg løs fra kjærsten sin en stakket stund, og takk og lov for at Mirakel tok seg tid til noen minutter på telefonen. Det forhindret både hyperventilering og full panikk, og brått sto han utenfor døren min.
Etter en tur på butikken fortsatte vi pratingen. Ikke fullt så lett som i morges, men det var vel heller ikke å forvente når man treffes for andre gang på 12 timer. Vi så en film, og vi fortsatte snakkingen. Om oss selv, om alt og ingenting, om hvor merkelig dette egentlig føltes.

For en halvtime siden ble han kalt ut på oppdrag. Vi ble enige om at han skulle komme tilbake etterpå, og han tok med seg nøkkelen min. Hva f*** er det jeg driver med?
Gir ut nøkkelen min til en vilt fremmed fyr!
Lar en vilt fremmed fyr komme innunder lagene mine!!

Også kom han tilbake, og posten ble aldri ferdig..

Da Håndtverkeren kom tilbake var jeg ganske sigen, og det føltes veldig godt å krølle seg sammen i armkroken hans. Om litt fant vi ut at vi skulle legge oss, og heldigvis var det ingen flere akutte ting den natten. Så vi har sovet sammen i natt. Tett inntil hverandre, og likevel litt fra hverandre. Vi er tross alt fremdeles fremmede for hverandre. Kosing og kyssing ble det selvfølgelig, så det var godt du gjorde som du gjorde Mr_Nova. Dette hadde blitt veldig vanskelig uten deg og dine handlinger

For en halvtime siden sto vi opp, og alt føltes i grunnen litt kleint. Jeg vet ikke hvorfor, men det føltes veldig greit at han var litt rask ut døren for å komme seg hjem.
Det siste han sa var:

“Men da snakkes vi da”

Men gjør vi egentlig det?
Den frasen der er velkjent for meg, som den frasen man slenger ut når man faktisk ikke har noen planer om å snakkes. Jeg bruker den selv, så dette vet jeg litt om
Mirakel spurte meg nettopp om jeg var glad i dag.
Det er jeg. Jeg er veldig glad for at jeg har klart å bryte flere mønster de siste 24 timene, og for at jeg har hatt noen utrolig fine siste 12 timer.
Ikke fullt så glad fordi hele situasjonene minner meg altfor mye om den siste gangen jeg var forelsket. Ikke så mange av dere vet hvordan det endte, men jeg tror Venninnen vel bekrefte at det ikke var særlig pent
Jeg er heller ikke særlig glad for å være inne i den perioden hvor man ikke helt vet hva den andre vil, føler og tenker. Jeg regelrett HATER den perioden!!
Kan vel ikke gjøre noe annet enn å avvente. Kanskje bør jeg ta kontakt å si noe om hva jeg tenker, men det var det å gjøre seg så ufattelig sårbar igjen da.
Det har jeg forsåvidt allerede gjort ved å treffe han, men siden dette er tiden for å bryte mønster måtte jeg jo bare. Vi får se hva helgen bringer.

Psykisk sliten frøken stempler seg ut for denne gang.

There are More Carrie Prejean Sex Tapes Out There?

RadarOnline is reporting this afternoon that there are eight Carrie Prejean sex tapes out there as well as 30 nude photos.

I don’t care about the sex tapes or about the photos.  And, in the end, I don’t care all that much about Carrie Prejean either. What I do care about is a media that is doing its best to portray Prejean as a holier than thou conservative Christian but who, in private, behaves like a slut.