Saturday, November 28, 2009
Taylor Lautner Gay?
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Snogging
Alex is a little lyxlirare. She has a house and a bed and everything else you may need, and she still chooses to check in to a hotel in the city.
I’m not complaining though. In fact, I am snogging her in her hotel bed whilst fattening up on chocolate and watching the half blood prince. Aaaah Harry P.
But my luck will be short lived. In about an hour she is kicking me out to have sex. I asked if I could join but apparently that was out of the question. That’s just plain rude if you ask me…
Side Hugs and Gangsta Rap
The radical Christian right (the folks who assassinate doctors, teach children lies about their bodies, try to force their special version of unreality into American public school classrooms and, basically, are trying to create an American Christian version of Iran) have a thing about sex. Specifically, they are paranoid about sex. They are afraid that somewhere, a woman might be enjoying the act.
Christian children, the children of radical Christians, are taught that sex is bad. Physical contact is bad. Physical pleasure is bad. Being anything other than exactly what your parents say your preacher says the Bible says God says you should be is bad. And touching yourself (or others) is bad. Being human, in other words, is bad.
So what about hugs? Are hugs okay? Well, it depends on two things: first, can you tolerate Christian Gangsta Rap? Second, do you have a sense of humour?
This is making the rounds clogging up the intertube thingies:
Yes, God wants us to be compassionate and kind and tender with each other. Not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. As long as there is no body on body action. I’m talking of course about a “full frontal hug,” one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. That’s why Christians the world over have pioneered the “side hug.” In the side hug there’s no risk of two crotches touching. Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their’s. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you’re taking a photo and you’re both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. I don’t know the exact scripture reference but try the book of Psalms. (from SCL (Stuff Christians Like))
The video is new (found via The Huffington Post), but the humourous idea of the Christian Side Hug appears to be about two years old. I can see this catching on among Christian young’uns. Well, not the young’uns. More likely the narrow-minded authoritarians masquerading as right-wing Christian parents. I guess the kids can do the side hug before or after (not both, that would be too much) some sweaty saddlebacking.
I confess that I find the pseudo-fallacious Christian side hug to be much less offensive than the Christian gangsta rap video. Of course, that’s just me.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The [ Lust ] Mixtape.
Everyone who knows me knows I am the queen of any type of sensual song. It’s something about smooth R&B and soulful melodies that just puts me in a good mood, and not even just sexually. It’s this music that helps me to clear my mind. So I just thought it would be a good idea to compile a list of songs that I feel can really set the mood and take a calm, serene atmosphere to a very sexy, and sensual one. Fellas (and ladies) pay attention.
1. Sex Therapy- Robin Thicke
2. Freakin’ Me- Jamie Foxx
3. Under- Pleasure P.
4. Role Play- Trey Songz
5. Sex Weed- R. Kelly
6. Wetter- Twista
7. Jupiter Love- Trey Songz
8. Love Like Honey- Pretty Ricky
9. Red Light Special- TLC
10. This Woman’s Work- Maxwell
11. Say It- Ne-Yo
12. Love You Gently- Usher
13. Slow- Jamie Foxx
14. Mirror- Ne-Yo
15. Scratchin’ Me Up- Trey Songz
16. Slow Wind- R. Kelly
17. Babymaker- Day 26
18. Overdose- Brandon Hines
19. Bed- J. Holiday
20. Freak Me- Silk
21. Meeting In My Bedroom- Silk
22. Signs of Love Makin’- Tyrese
23. Anywhere- 112
24. Purple Kisses- The Dream
25. Read Your Mind- Avant
Of course this list could go on forever. There are just so many songs out there that really capture the essence of sensuality. But this is a start.
Men love women more than women love men
If women really loved men just as much as men loved women:
*Why is it men that generally pay for dates?
*Why do men traditionally take most of the initiatives?
*Why do some women expect men to buy them so much stuff on Valentine’s Day? Why do so many women expect flowers, spa treatments, boxes of chocolate, and other gifts from men? Don’t men also deserve these things? Shouldn’t Valentine’s Day include both genders?
*Why do women generally expect men to buy them wedding rings? Are men not “special” enough to also get a ring?
*Why do divorced men commit suicide 10x as often as divorced women? Don’t women feel as much heartbreak after divorce?
*Why are 2/3 of breakups initiated by women? Are men less “likable”?
*Why are men traditionally objectified as disposable protectors, heroes, or breadwinners when many females seem to receive love based on their looks alone?
*Why do many women expect to be the ones to feel “protected” or “taken care of” like a princess or “damsel in distress”? Can’t a man expect these things too?
*Why are there so many more homeless men than women? Are homeless men less likely to marry and earn a woman’s love?
*Why is “chivalry” generally something that women expect from men?
*Why is the man the one expected to be the disposable “bodyguard” to get up at night if there is a loud noise?
*Why does society as a whole seem to have more compassion for “women and children” than men?
*Why do many women expect “crying privileges” and a shoulder to cry on at any moments notice? Why do many women perceive a man’s tears and vulnerability as “weakness”?
*Do women have any “protective instincts” for their men in the same way that some people claim that men have “protective instincts” for their women? If not, does this imply that women love men less than vice versa? After all, we tend to put more effort into protecting the things in life we value more.
*Do women love their children more than their husbands? Is a woman’s “chivalry” generally reserved only for her children (or pets)?
*Why does a man have to “earn” his way into a woman’s bed? Why are some men willing to pay for a prostitute while women would never sleep with a gigolo even for free?
*Why do men (much like job applicants) compete with other men to impress a woman(when she gets to play the role of the choosy employer)?
*Why are so few women or feminists willing to get in the trenches and help do society’s dirty work to help reduce male injury, male disposability, and the longevity gap?
*Why do women and feminists seem to care more about the glass ceiling than the glass cellar?
*Why do women and feminists seem to care more about the so-called pay-gap (which is a myth) than the female-dominated spending gap? Why do some women expect to spend most of the money that the man made?
*Why are there seemingly so many more chivalrous male feminists than female masculists?
*Why do many men treat women as “queens” when many women treat men as “worker bees”?
*Why are so many men “took to the cleaners” after a divorce? Don’t men have feelings like women do?
*How many women are willing to support a stay-at-home husband (and let him spend a large portion of her money)?
*Why do “tomboys” and “daddys girls” seem to be considered charming or cute while “mama’s boys” and “jill girls” seem to elicit images of laughing stocks that still live with their parents and are too “unmanly” or “lazy” to deserve a girlfriend?
*Why aren’t women sometimes made to feel “efemilated” by their mates in the same way that men are sometimes made to feel “emasculated” (it is telling that “efemilated” isn’t even considered a real word)? Why isn’t there a phrase “take it like a woman” to go with the phrase “take it like a man”?
*Why do many women (and men) seem to have pink ribbons on their cars for breast cancer awareness at the expense of also rallying for prostate cancer awareness? Is women’s health more important?
*Why do some women find it easier to slyly “support” or “thank” a man for engaging in dangerous work or war instead of actually showing real thanks by actually doing some of the dirty work themselves (after all, actions speak louder than words)?
*Why do some women not allow metrosexuals the same fashion privileges as themselves? Why are the mens departments so much smaller than the womens departments in many clothing stores?
I know I am generalizing a bit, but I think in general men are traditionally socialized to think of themselves as “less than” women and women are socialized to think of themselves as the proverbial “prize” to be fought for. As such, men could very well be at least half the problem for this less-than-savory state of affairs. At any rate, A first date with a woman can almost seem like a job interview to a man. It seems like many feminists and women want the good parts of traditional roles coupled with special treatment with their new roles. This is not progress….it is traditional and age-old expectations of pampered entitlement.
As for men, I think they need to drop that macho facade and demand better treatment for themselves (and other men). Machismo may indeed be a form of brainwashing to keep men “in their place”. Men are not disposable wallets, and shouldn’t expect to be treated that way by other men or women. They are human beings. I think society should advocate a “new chivalry” where we all protect and care for each other.
I think it would behoove men to consider if it is really worth it to love someone else who might not love them back equally. If a man is willing to “take a bullet” for his true love, it only seems fair that the woman would be willing to do the same for him.
Gender roles hurt us all. Feminists have made their case for equality. Now masculists have to continue doing the same (if true equality is the goal). True equality involves equality in relation to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If this is indeed a goal of any given commonwealth, this means helping society close the life expectancy gap, disposability gap, female sentencing gap, spending gap, and establishing equal opportunities for finding joy. It might behoove masculists and feminists alike to join forces in achieving this goal. After all, it seems to me that most people are mindless robots who could essentially care less about masculism or feminism.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Five Seconds
Instead of skirts and pantyhose
she likes to wear
ragged blue jeans and tee shirts
instead of being
a little lady so prim and proper
climbing trees
riding motorcycles at high speed
just like a guy
she loves to be bad as she can be
satin and lace
you’ll never see her wear at night
a wedding dress
pure and white makes her want to
puke and barf
inside a church she won’t allow
herself to be seen
insisted on our getting conjoined
down at the local
auto body shop and salvage yard
yet that very night
oh so far away on our honeymoon
in my arms alone
from a tomboy into a sexy woman
she transformed
shucked off the tight leather outfit
she was sporting
in five seconds flat made me glad
that I’m her man
rocked my world that very night
between the sheets
of our full size bed then and there
as I found myself
madly leaping for joy deep inside
the velvety sheath
of the honeycomb of her wetness
Dirty Old Man or Double Standard?
This week’s XSEX LOVE LETTER is a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion about:
Dear XSEX: I have a friend (a male friend) who turned 40 in August. He recently started dating the daughter of a girlfriend of mine (who is also an old friend of his, as we all went to high school together). My friend’s daughter just turned 19. This bothers me, though it doesn’t seem to bother my girlfriend, as her daughter has had a string of abusive relationships with men–boys–her own age. My male friend says I’m being a busybody and age doesn’t matter. He also says I’m a hypocrite as I’m dating a younger man (I’m 39 and he is 27). Is this double standard really that common? -May/December Mom (Dallas, TX)
This is a sex blog, Mom, not Jerry Springer or Dateline: To Catch A Predator. I’d love to provide you with some facts and figures, but it’s a double standard in that department, most definately. The wise MILFS at Good Housekeeping Online (God, I cannot BELIEVE I actually visited that site. I need a shower, I feel so dirty) say that 12% of marriages are between older women and younger men, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. I tried to double-check their figure and get the older men/younger women marriage figure, but the facts at the Census website were as dense and cold as an iceberg and about as interesting as watching a documentary on paint drying. I know better than to expect Good Housekeeping to provide figures on older men and younger women. Them are fightin’ words over at GH.
Their article (which seems to talk a lot about Hollywood May/December romances, big surprise there, right?) reports: “But even in the sexual playground of the movie biz, the reverse matchup — an older woman with a younger man — has always seemed somewhat shocking. ‘It challenges our basic, narrow perception of what a couple should be,’ notes Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a human-sexuality expert and author of The First Sex: The Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World. My God, I cannot WAIT to read that book. I’m sure it’s fascinating.
Since GH and the U.S. Gov’t weren’t giving me any juicy info, I tried just typing ”old men and younger women” into Microsoft’s new Bing “Decision Engine”, because–apparently–it’s supposed to be more intuitive and search overload is killing America according to Bill Gates. Well, Bing gave me no bling. All I got out of it was page after pathetic page of porn and dating sites that promised to introduce me to younger women “in my area”. So I suppose it’s safe to say that there are WAY more older men/younger women relationships, May/December Mom.
But your friend is 40 and the girl is 19, huh? Well, as I man I cannot help but mentally wish him luck. After all, men are pigs. Oink Oink, bitch.
But, seriously, OF COURSE there is a double standard! But the MILFS at Good Housekeeping can’t have it both ways! If it’s good enough for the goose it’s good enough for the gander. (What the hell is a gander? I hope it’s a male goose, because otherwise that statement didn’t come out the way I wanted it to).
Now, that does NOT mean that this guy isn’t a dirty old man. Let me be VERY clear on this. In fact, if he is anything like my friends, he most certainly IS a dirty old man on some level. I will warn you: he is going to make the excuse that “she’s legal”…and technically he is correct. It might shock you to learn that in MANY states, “legal” can be younger than 18. You can get married at 16 in many states, and even YOUNGER if you are pregnant and/or have parental permission. I’m not going to tell you what states have these rather liberal laws, because I live in one and I’m sick of getting made fun of because all the stupid laws we still have on the books here. Let’s just say that many of the states in question are in the South. Yee-ha. The youngest girl I know of that got married (legally, and was not part of a Mormon wife-n-daughter club) was 14, and the proud husband was 25. I do not recall (since I was drunk at the nuptials) if a shotgun was involved. I am fairly certain that the flower girl was the bride’s 8 year old sister, and she became an aunt four short months after the ceremony.
So WHY do men seek out younger women? I’m not even going to answer that. If it isn’t obvious, you’re an idiot. Most of these men will probably try to tell you how mature their teenage girlfriend is. What do you EXPECT them to say? I’ve never ONCE heard any guy say: “My teenaged girlfriend acts so immature! I wish she’d grow up!”
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