Last night, struggling to sleep at quarter to three in the morning, I got a phonecall from my guy friend D. We talked about his relationships with girls, my relationships with guys, the works. And then, I asked him a funny question. To trim or not to trim? How much is too much? Down there, should it be all hair, no hair, or somehair in between? (I couldn’t resist, I sincerely apologise)
Is it about personal preference, personal hygiene, self-respect, or simply just being able to locate the other person’s genitalia when it comes to sex?
Whenever a relationship is new or even if I just like somebody, I’m a little reluctant to tell my friends. I know, I know, they’re my friends, and it’s not that I don’t trust them, it’s that I don’t trust it. I worry about it going wrong, or me being hurt, and having an audience when it all goes balls up. Fear is not a good motivation for anything, I know, but I never seem to be able to help myself.
In my first few weeks at university, my girlfriend Charles was seeing one of our good friends. We all knew she was sleeping with him, but for some reason the two of them felt it was better to keep it a secret. He would come round for a while, we’d all talk in the kitchen, then he’d go home. A couple of minutes later, she’d go out ‘for a walk’. No-one asked any questions, but we all knew what was going on. The two of them stopped seeing each other sometime before Christmas because as it turned out, she had feelings for him, whereas he just saw her as a quick lay.
Fast forward a couple of months and one of my other girlfriends is trying to break up with her boyfriend of two years. They go to the same university. He’s not back from Christmas break yet, and she seems to have been spending a lot of time with that guy Charles was previously seeing. We all went out Friday, and they spent a really really long time hugging. Then she keeps going out, to ‘a friends’ supposedly, and tonight when he came over and we chatted for a while, he went to her room and I don’t think he left. What it is about keeping stuff like this a secret? Does it make it even more of a big deal if no-one knows about it?
I would love you to listen to this performance by the amazing Jill Scott, as it pretty much describes everything and anything I left out in my previous post, Grace, and she sings the story with such passion. ‘Whatever‘ pretty much explains it all without having to become too graphic a lyric. A lengthy performance, but a great showcase of a blessed singer, poet and above all, a wonderful woman.
You can tell the way she has sex by the way she sings, and by the way this song is performed. The way this song is built up, starting slow and romantic, cooling down a little and finishing off with a blasting finale, the arrangements, the heat radiating from this performance, the use of her voice, even the handjob she’s giving to the microphone stand, ‘loving me the way you do’ was never this sweaty, honest and poetic.
Jill Scott’s talent has so far been exposed on her albums “Words & Sounds” volume 1, 2 and 3, respectively called ‘Who is Jill Scott?‘, ‘Beautifully Human‘ and ‘The Real Thing‘. I strongly suggest you check out those Grammy-worthy recordings.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships……there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
This week’s Dustinland is based off some observations I’ve made recently. I touched on the subject of desperation back in 2004, but now I have a few new ideas on the subject. Must be that wisdom that comes with age. Yup, I sure am wise. But yeah, desperation is a killer. You can sense it instantly, like dogs and fear. The key is really to just be happy with yourself, just enjoying riding solo and being single, while simultaneously being able to playfully flirt. That’s easier said than done though, especially during a prolonged dry streak.
How come no one ever discusses how impossible having sex with a vampire would actually be?
Forget the biting (a nice guy like Edward Cullen would surely do his best to resist) but his body temperature, or lack of one: does no one ever consider what that would feel like during intercourse?
“Rock hard and icy cold.” These are undeniable features Stephanie Meyer’s has emphasized about her vampires all through-out the Twilight saga. Yes, Edward is a physical masterpiece, a 20 on a scale of ten in the looks department: his demeanor, smile, class and obvious tenderness are enough to make a girl heat up in his presence: unless she gets too close. THAT close.
That stone like chest might be tolerable to cuddle up against on a hot summer day (especially if clothed in a soft shirt or sweater) but – intimacy with the guy? Only a really naive virgin could have such a fantasy without wincing at the thought.
In New Moon, Bella jumps into the water and almost drowns. After being rescued, she is huddled in the front seat of her truck, across from Jacob, shivering painfully from the cold. Despite being as taken with Edward’s charm as Bella is, I will admit that Jacob’s offer to Bella of, “It’s a 108 degrees over here,” did bring up a tempting reality: getting close to HIM is is not only within the realm of possibility for her, but if she ever did get REALLY close, she wouldn’t end up with the most embarrassing case of frostbite any young girl could ever imagine.
