I didn't want to post this on the blog or anything but here goes....

I don’t want to die or anything but it would be kind of cool to sleep forever.

I don’t want to die or anything but those suicide pills look mighty tasty.

I don’t want to kill myself, but my carotid artery is pissing me off a lot.

I don’t wanna rob this bank or anything but fork it over!

I don’t want to run over these orphans or anything but no one will miss them.

I’m not suicidal but Mr. Spock sure inspired me to outweigh the needs of the me.

I sure don’t want to have an affair but my penis is in this lady pretty far.

I don’t want to die or anything but it would be kind of cool to veer off this cliff.

I don’t want to yell fire in a crowed theatre or anything but I did kind of start one just now.

I don’t wanna be an existentialist but I did just make god into a corpse.

I didn’t want to give you herpes but you sure looked like you needed some.

I didn’t mean to kill the guy or anything officer but he sure looked like he’d be better that way.

I don’t want to live in near absolute zero temperatures, but guys, let’s get our asses to Neptune!

I don’t want to starve my dog or anything but it’s a real pleasure not to feed it.

Listen, I wouldn’t pay for a prostitute — but you take checks right?

I don’t want to die in a vacuum but guys let’s depressurize this vacuum chamber while we’re still in it.

I am not father material but I sure spermed on your eggs!

I didn’t really want to pay for this prostitute but it looked like she had sex to sell and I had money to give.

Earthquakes aren’t my thing, I just like to chatter cities through tectonic shifts.

I don’t like to give people cancer, I just like to remove the protein structures in their cells that stop malignant run away cell growth.

Yeah, I support endangered species but I gotta eat this Koala.

I didn’t mean to drive in nontraffic areas only but all the other areas were occupied by automobiles.

I don’t wanna play God but seriously, get back in the Bio-vat!

I don’t want my lion to eat those people but I do want them to satiate its hunger.

I’m not a misogynist but spread ‘em bitch!

It’s not that I am against women’s rights, I just think they need to stay home more and tidy up…oh yeah and no voting.

It’s not that I was committing voter fraud, I just thought I’d vote for myself and then vote the way five other people would’ve voted like if they ever bothered to come out and vote.

I don’t wanna beat this joke to death, but here’s 30 more jokes in the formula.

I don’t want to tell you that your parents just died in an insensitive way but the dumbasses just drove their car off a cliff and turned into fiery corpses.

I don’t want to be difficult to communicate with but…

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