my attempted separation with the lawyer didn’t take. she’s a bitch that way and that’s the way i like her. so i didn’t see the point in breaking it off.
just another attempt to push them all away. she says she doesn’t want to go anywhere, i’ve heard it so many times before.. and i guess it’s been long enough that i’m going to take a chance on believing it. i’m staying un-invested.. distant.. unavailable most of the time. if she doesn’t get to know me she won’t have any reason to leave.
i have these flashbacks of being on the train in boston… my right arm gripping the bar above me, my left arm wrapped around her. so close, so secure, so comfortable. i remember being really happy in that moment.
maybe i want that again, but maybe nothing lasts forever and i can’t take the chance again.
if i could put myself back in that moment, i would’ve held her closer.
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