I’m super pissed off and high on cold meds because I’m sicker than I’ve been since I was like 8 years old. It’s all my Mom’s fault too. Firstly because she gave birth to me so everything that happens to me is her fault because I’m alive, but also because she was coughing and wiping her dirty flu hands all over the house for a week trying to infect the rest of us. Obviously she succeeded.
Another reason I probably got sick is because of stress. Although my life probably sounds to the rest of you like it’s made of angel songs and chocolate rainbows, it’s really not. In fact it’s a goddamn mess most of the time, full of stupid assholes like my dog who wants to cuddle me 24/7 even when I have a fever. STOP WITH THE KISSES, JERK. I’M SICK.
School started this week which is always good for a laugh. I start at 7am, which means I’ll absorb roughly .0003% of the material I hear in lecture this quarter. I’m okay with that since most of lecture is the professor secretly wishing something interesting would happen and that they weren’t at a community college so they just read from the fucking textbook for 2 hours. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I raised my hand and said “Excuse me, if you’d like to take a break since you’re so obviously done trying at life I can just come up and do that for you. This will obviously be a surprise to you based on the way you speak to the class, but I too can read passages from the $400 book we’re all required to have. In fact, you don’t even need to come to class tomorrow.”
The other thing that sucks is that relationships always seem to go backwards and wrong over the holidays. It seems like everyone just goes crazy, or gets lonely, or drinks too much and the phone calls and decisions made get out of fucking control. I swear. One guy I dated lost his shit and started asking me for naked pictures, another one professed his undying love, and another one sort of professed his undying love in the guise of telling me I’m really pretty worthless.
The guy I most recently dated caused some drama with my sisters because I mentioned that I still talk to him/hang out with him from time to time and they lost their shit. That sucked, but at the same time they hate everyone I’ve ever even considered dating ever so I took it with a grain of salt. I’m not defending any of my boyfriends, but I haven’t been murdered yet so there’s that. Mostly they just think I’m turning into a towny loser/or already am so I think things will get better once I move out of this town. Either that or it will get worse, those are usually the two options with things like life.
So this guy that I dated for not very long was really pretty nice to me until shit went bad. Then it went really, really bad. I’ve realized over the past couple of weeks that probably the main problem with the entire situation was that he pretty much thought I was a piece of shit and I was too drunk to realize it. That’s a blunt way to put it I spose, but its true. It always made me wonder when he never cared what I did or who I did it with, never got jealous, never worried about how I felt about him, etc. The options are a)he was dating other people or some variation of that b)it literally never crossed his mind that anyone would ever waste their time with me, or c)both.
I’m picking c because here are some things he actually said to me: “You’re not anything to brag about.” “You and your ex were just a couple of fucking losers pretending you were important.” And he spent a lot of time talking about how gorgeous his exes anatomy was (the second guy I dated who has done this, which should have been a warning sign). The only thing he ever said he liked best about me specifically were my eyebrows. Not to say he never complimented me, but for whatever his standards were I obviously didn’t measure up. And that sucks. I’m not saying I’m the hottest person alive, or even the nicest, but it would have been cool to look back and at least know I was memorable. Long story short, it’s always a blow to the ego when you date someone who laughs off the idea of anyone else wanting to date you (other than your crazy exes) and finds you physically mediocre in every way.
My solution? HUGE ASS IMPLANTS. Try and forget THESE, fuckers! Whooooo!!!!!
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