Sorry, Your Majesty, don’t have time right now for a real post. But, since you have made your feelings known and it is perfectly clear that you do not want to look at my Barbie/Ken vase anymore, I’m stealing something from my email.
Think of it as a sorta placeholder piece. Then, I’ll do my very best to get back in the groove……..
Oh wait, there is something else I want to post from my email first…..oh looky, another chicken…….and here it is:
“gentlemens…..use your pleasure tool to make your wife happee” …….Those spam Viagra/Cialis ads crack me up!
Love making tips for Seniors
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in> the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you> begin.
5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..
8. Make all the noise you want… The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.
AND
Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont , Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth .. One of my sisters lives in P flugerville and is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marij uana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas
I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time “working girl”.
All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who is an Obama supporter?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
AND ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE
“TENJOOBERRYMUDS”…
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”…
In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”.
With a little patience, you’ll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes…
The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today……
Room Service : “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”
Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”
Room Service: ” Rye. Roon sirbees…morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???”
Guest: “Uh….. Yes, I’d like to order bacon and eggs.”
Room Service: “Ow July den?”
Guest: “…..What??”
Room Service: “Ow July den?!?… Pryed, boyud, poochd?”
Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please.”
Room Service: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”
Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”
Room Service: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”
Guest: “What?”
Room Service: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”
Guest: “I… Don’t think so.”
RoomService: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”
Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”
RoomService: “Toes! Toes!…Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”
Guest: “Oh, English muffin!!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
RoomService: “We bodder?”
Guest: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”
RoomService: “Wad?!?”
Guest: “I mean butter… Just put the butter on the side.”
RoomService: “Copy?”
Guest: “Excuse me?”
RoomService: “Copy….tea..meel?”
Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please… And that’s everything.”
RoomService: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy … Rye??”
Guest: “Whatever you say.”
RoomService: “Tenjooberrymuds.”
Guest: “You’re welcome”
Remember I said “By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ‘TENJOOBERRYMUDS’ “……and you do, don’t you!
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